THE PSYCHOLOGY OF CHRONIC 

WIFE BEATERS: LADIES TAKE NOTE.

In my ‘short’ years as an adult male, I have met many friends and acquaintances that are or have become victims of spousal abuse. Women tend to be the recurring victims, though some men tend to be silent victims too. Is beating up a woman cool? Of course not, but what will you tell a man whose wife has just poured him hot boiling water after an argument in the kitchen?

Anyway, for today’s blog, it’s about helping women lookout for certain traits, and understand why some men become chronic wife beaters.

He is a Mama’s boy:  A lot of ‘Mama’s boys’, Mummy’s pets or ‘Nwa mamas’ as we call them in Igbo land grow up to become wife beaters. These categories of men have all through their lives been told or made to believe that they are a special breed by their mothers. When they go out into the real world, the heterosexuals amongst them (Yes, many of them end up gay) expect all women to treat them the way and manner ‘mummy’ did. When they find a woman with certain qualities resembling their mothers, they quickly rush to marry her. Trouble starts in their matrimonial home when or if ‘he’ observes that his wife no longer gives him that ‘special’ treatment and attention he’d  been used to from his mummy. Most times it’s not his wife’s fault as she could be preoccupied with her job, pregnancy or a baby. Whenever abused women report such husbands to their mother-in laws, hardly will the mother in-law caution or call her son to order; rather she’ll constantly beg and apologize for her son’s abusive behavior.

They don’t have friends, ‘correct’ male friends: As a lady, if you ever meet a guy that does not have close male friends of substance, please run for your dear life.  Substance here means friends that are confident, sociable, educated, God-fearing and prosperous. The emphasis here is on ‘close’ friends not just acquaintances. A lot of men have acute self confidence issues, and when they can’t handle it, they withdraw to their shells and become lone rangers. Those who choose not to become lone rangers still try to maintain friends but end up as a ‘docile buddy’ i.e. that guy that every other person in his circle of friends take advantage of, ride on or look down upon.  When such a man finds you (the woman), he will surely abandon all his friends and stick to you. Hoping to use your presence, commitment and love to build his self confidence.  Such men are cowardly because they normally cannot stand up to other men outdoors. But the moment you deviate or behave in a manner reminiscent of the subjugation he experiences outside, he will descend on you. Men like that will beat their wives and still beg afterwards due to their chronic fear of being left alone and knowing fully well that no one else would have them.

He is an overtly faithful husband: Now this point is surely the most controversial but take it from me, most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, they hardly sleep around. This behaviour sometimes contributes to the intensity of their violent behaviour.  Sociable, extrovert (sometimes cheating) husbands are less likely to beat up their wives at home. Whenever their wives give them stress, they’ll most likely go hangout at a bar somewhere with their friends till late evening, preferring to come back home late night when their wives are fast asleep. Heck, they may even keep a mistress or two, just to cool off from their nagging wives. But a chronic wife beater has no real quality friends, chances of even keeping a mistress are zero (because he can’t beat her anyhow), all his energy is transmitted towards his submissive wife. And the moment he develops an iota of suspicion of infidelity by his wife, all hell breaks loose and could lead to murder.

He is an ‘over’ jealous boyfriend: A little bit of jealousy is healthy in any relationship. But when a man becomes too jealous and over protective over his woman, he will SURELY beat her into submission when he feels he’s on the verge of losing her. As a boyfriend, he’s eager to know all his woman’s male acquaintances; she receives a phone call from ANY male caller and he desperately wants to know who it is. Such a man suffers from acute insecurities and feels that other men are better than him. His woman is a prized possession and he must keep and protect her from all predators even if he must ‘whip’ her back into line like herdsmen do to their cattle.

Sudden Success: Tales abound of poor and struggling couples who lived happily during periods of lack but with prosperity came chaos. As usual the man tends to be the main culprit here but sometimes even women are culpable. A woman clings to her low class struggling man, she supports him with all she has and encourages him to aim higher. The man in question is a hardworking loner, no social life, no real friends, limited self confidence but he manages to keep faith with his career path.  Favour suddenly smiles at him and he becomes successful, rich and famous. Naturally success has many fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends and lovers; and the man gets it all. He’s no longer shy nor needs to make any effort to woo people, people approach him instead. Women give themselves freely to him, now he’s on top of the social food chain. The only reminder to his horrid past is his ‘poor’ wife back home and there’s no longer room for her in his newly discovered self. When the wife, in frustration and agony confronts him and reminds him of where he’s coming from, he beats her up. Eventually, he ends up showing her the door so as to make room for fresh blood. As the saying goes, “Out with the old, in with the new.”

Shit Happens: Some men are just naturally messed up in the head and there’s no logical explanation as to why they would roll up their sleeves and beat up their women.

Ladies, what do you think?